Arsenal should buy these..

Defence:

Steel : Available for a bargain price of 912$. As his brochure known for disgusting puns advertises “Steel is a steal!”

The Old Woman in Requiem For A Dream : Versatile player who mainly plays in defence where her tactic of scaring people works best. However,can be played anywhere  in the stadium across the pitch. Would cost around 30 million$,most of it to buy slimming pills.

Defensive Mid:

Gandalf ‘You Shall Not Pass’ Stormcrow: Available on a free transfer.Considered one of the best around. Breaks up opposition moves with an efficiency unparalleled in the game. Some testimonies :

“It is virtually impossible to score when Gandalf plays. I remember a game against Barcelona where we decided to play him in the midfield for the first time. It was a bold decision as we thought Barcelona were just too good for us. And with all that smoking we were apprehensive as to whether he could run around a lot. But he took to it like a fish to water. No one could get past him. Messi,completely taken out of the game,decided to play in defence to get the ball.” – Avram Grant, Chelsea’s assistant manager and official beautician,his former club.

“When he plays,the team plays.” –  teammate and soccer legend Alexi Lalas  when they played together at  The Ridiculously Long Facial Hair FC.

“When he plays,the team plays.” – Whores.

“A great leader! He can inspire fear,awe,pride and promiscuity among his teammates.” –  James Moriarty,club president of FC Barcelona.

“I wish they mentioned his fireworks” – Samwise Gamgee.

Attack:

Sonic The Hedgehog: Pacy,tricky and bags of potential.Plays as a winger/inside forward. Just 20 years old. A very good signing for the future. You don’t believe me? Here’s the YouTube link.

The Rolling Stones: Simply the most creative force on the planet.

The last piece in the jigsaw: Useful cardboard piece.

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